There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
