Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
