my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
