You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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