11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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