Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
