You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
