i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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