Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
