Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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