Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
