if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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