When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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