I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
