Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize