I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
