is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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