What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
