my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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