i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
