Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
