His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
