More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
