Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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