is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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