A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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