Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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