There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
