Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
