i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
