this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't notice because vodka
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
