I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
