Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
