dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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