Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
