I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
