There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
