Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
