Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
