it wasn't lemon gatorade
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
