Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
look no pants
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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