i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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