On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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