I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Small penises have feelings too.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
