i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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