i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
