i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
