Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
