Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize