Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
