I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
