No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
