I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
