I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
