Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
