I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
