This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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