my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Enjoy the penises
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
