i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
