Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
