Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
