just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
