he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
