Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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