"it" just moved
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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