she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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