cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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