my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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