covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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