i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
