He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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