What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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