He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
