So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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