Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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