mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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