Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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