I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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