i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if only i could text you this smell
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are two peas in an std pod
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
