You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize