I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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