I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
