why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
