I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Are my feet made of real feet?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize