i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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