He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
