You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize