five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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