My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
