I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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