You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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