She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
