she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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